Having an effective communication, knowing how to talk to one another, is one of the pillars of a good relationship. When couples don’t know how to communicate, a lot other problems appear in the relationship, such as lack of trust, lack of support, disconnection, etc., and their relationship may suffer or fail.
Signs and Symptoms of communication problem in your relationship
- There are frequent arguments
- Arguments cause one or both significant upset
- There are difficulties resolving problems
- There are frequent misunderstandings during discussions
- One of both partners view the disagreements as “the tip of iceberg” for bigger problems (such as lack of love or respect), rather than specific problem
- You avoid talking about the issues
- You are not open to listen about the behaviors that bother your partner
Causes of communication issues in a relationship
Often times couples don’t know how to communicate because they never lived in an environment where there was effective communication style. People come from different backgrounds, different cultures, different families. Your parents (and grandparents) may not have learned themselves how to communicate with their spouses, and perhaps never taught you how to communicate with others.
At times, communication fail because a partner cannot identify the cues that the argument is impending (triggers such as their own body sensations, feelings, thoughts, or behaviors). Other times, it could be you lived in an environment you needed to be “perfect” to be loved.
Sometimes partners don’t know how to identify times that are conducive to discussing issues or get help solving problems. For example, the partner who blurs out all little things that went wrong with the children, right after the other partner step in the house – as opposed to give that partner a time to decompress.
There are some blocks for good communication, such as putting a wall (ignoring what the other have to say to avoid conflict or convey disapproval), criticizing (verbally attacking personality or character, name calling), attacking a person with intent of insult or abuse, and defensiveness (reversing the attack, putting self as a victim).
If you recognized some of these most common signs of problems happening in your relationship, it might be time to make the first phone call to consult with a marriage therapist or relationship expert.
Dr. Rosana Marzullo-Dove