Broken trust can happen in a relationship for many reasons. Trust is the second strong pillar of a good relationship. If you are having problems with trust, you most likely have great issues in your relationship. Read below some signs and reasons for losing trust in your partner.
Signs and reasons for Trust problem in your relationship
- Sexual involvement with other
- Non-sexual involvement, but intimate relationship with others
- Financial “secrets” / overspending
- Suspicious behaviors
- Suspicion of affairs
- Suspicion of drug/alcohol abuse
- Suspicion of porno addiction/use
- Suspicion of gambling
- Checking the partner’s social media
- Checking partner’s phone / texts / messages
- Pretending being someone else to check the partner’s behavior
Causes of trust issues in a relationship
Often times people lose trust due to partner’s behaviors or they have never built trust due to past experiences with other partners or how they were raised by their parents. It is important to explore the models of relationship you grew up with, from your parents or other relevant adults in your life.
How I help couples rebuild their trust
There are many steps to take to heal from broken trust, including:
- Building new boundaries on emotional, social, and sexual areas with others
- Arriving at a mutual agreement on what is acceptable and what is prohibited behaviors
- Encouraging hurt partner to agree on trying to engage in the process of forgiveness
- Encouraging both partners to share responsibility for reconstructing the relationship
- Helping partners to put the effort into meeting each other’s emotional and physical needs
Typical outcomes of working on trust issues in marriage therapy
Trust must be restored in order to restructure the relationship. Just like real life, there’s a 50/50 percent chance that therapy will work. It is imperative that both partners take responsibility for their failures and agree to engage in building a new type of relationship. If trust is not restored, couples may agree to have a respectable separation. Your therapist will help you every step of the way.
FAQ about trust issues
Since there are many variables, it is impossible to predict how long it will take, if ever, to restore trust among the couple. Hopefully, the couple will engage in therapy with the goal of healing their relationship. However, past events and each partner’s own development and personality may prevent full forgiveness and trust, and therefore the relationship may end. When there are trust issues, beyond the other issues present in couples’ therapy, it is probable that the treatment will be longer, usually 2 years or more.
Couples should attend therapy once each week (or twice per week in some cases) for the first part of treatment. Later on, depending upon levels of therapeutic progression and success, couples may start coming every other week until the end of treatment.
You can come by yourself to do individual therapy. However, most likely you will find that when your partner is not putting sufficient effort in coming to and engaging in therapy, you will be unable to sustain a healthy and lasting relationship with them. For that reason, I strongly suggest having both partners in session when there are marital conflicts, especially for matters of distrust.
I strongly suggest having both partners in session when there are marital conflicts.
Yes, but not necessarily immediately. Secrets are never good. I might agree to keep your secret for a couple of sessions to allow time to help you find ways to approach your partner, so you can communicate in a way he or she will understand. Thereafter, I promote honest and open communication, so you both can move towards healing.
Essentially, people lie for two reasons: self-preservation and survival. If someone thinks they will be judged by their behaviors/thoughts/feelings, they might resort to lies to be accepted by others. When people feel in danger or at risk of losing their security, they may lie. Therapy helps people with lying problems, since the therapist helps to normalize behaviors, and helps partners to find ways to communicate on issues that are difficult to talk about, without the risk of being disapproved, or being “put down”.
You are an important part of why a person lies to you. Your reaction to what your partner says is an important part of how good communication works. If after working on issues, the trust is still not established, the therapist will help the partners find an amicable way to remove themselves from the relationship so they can move on with their lives.
You are an important part of why the person lies to you. Your reaction to what your partner says is an important part on how good communication works. If after working on issues, the trust is still not there, the therapist will help the partners to find an amicable way to go apart.